Sobriety is just not for me. I had a blip, tried again, had another blip...
Thinking about it though, considering the city I live in and the nature of my social life... it just isn't suitable. Or realistic.
Sorry.
Friday, 19 September 2008
Thursday, 31 July 2008
Day four of sobriety
This is surprisingly easy so far.
I went for a nice Chinese meal with Mrs K tonight and found that I didn't even look at the alcoholic drinks on the menu. It's funny how something so trivial feels quite positive. Usually if I was in a restaurant I'd automatically order a beer or red wine, depending on the food I was eating.
I went to a pub at lunchtime and drank a coke too - again, looking back I don't think it occured to me to have anything else.
Other than that, there haven't been any tricky moments to negotiate.
I feel like I am becoming increasingly alert and have more energy. Perhaps it's a placebo effect but I didn't realise that even a couple of drinks in the evening could affect my energy levels so much.
Tomorrow may be awkward. A friend of mine is leaving our company (yes, another person heading for the exit!) and a bunch of people are heading out straight after work. Everyone seems quite excited, which is great - we'll have a good time. A few people are asking me if I am going to be drinking though and still seem surprised when I say I'm not.
I do wonder whether I could have a glass of wine and continue with this little thing. Is this peer pressure? Not that I am suggesting that anyone is putting pressure on me to drink.
Perhaps I'll sleep on it. Right now though, I'm not bothered at all by the idea of not drinking.
I went for a nice Chinese meal with Mrs K tonight and found that I didn't even look at the alcoholic drinks on the menu. It's funny how something so trivial feels quite positive. Usually if I was in a restaurant I'd automatically order a beer or red wine, depending on the food I was eating.
I went to a pub at lunchtime and drank a coke too - again, looking back I don't think it occured to me to have anything else.
Other than that, there haven't been any tricky moments to negotiate.
I feel like I am becoming increasingly alert and have more energy. Perhaps it's a placebo effect but I didn't realise that even a couple of drinks in the evening could affect my energy levels so much.
Tomorrow may be awkward. A friend of mine is leaving our company (yes, another person heading for the exit!) and a bunch of people are heading out straight after work. Everyone seems quite excited, which is great - we'll have a good time. A few people are asking me if I am going to be drinking though and still seem surprised when I say I'm not.
I do wonder whether I could have a glass of wine and continue with this little thing. Is this peer pressure? Not that I am suggesting that anyone is putting pressure on me to drink.
Perhaps I'll sleep on it. Right now though, I'm not bothered at all by the idea of not drinking.
Wednesday, 30 July 2008
Day three of sobriety
Well, today was tough at times and easier at others.
It's been another scorcher. After another night of slightly disturbed sleep - and all of the sport I've been playing in the last few days - I woke up feeling pretty tender with quite a few aches and pains. All things considered I was pretty perky.
Work seemed to last forever today - not really much going on and I think the heat may have been driving people pretty crazy. I've had a bit too much sun in the last few days and so I was a little tetchy as well.
It's been the sort of day that has led me to identify a phenomenon I call desk rage.
Desk rage isn't how I think about those moments when you are sat at work, conducting some seemingly meaningless and practically pointless task. The sun is shining, pretty much everyone wants to be somewhere else. You look at the clock, realise there is still over an hour left in the working day.
Desk rage is reserved for those especial moments when your thought process just naturally leads to the notion that there is a solid possibility that the next forty years of your working life could be spent passing the time in a likewise fashion.
When desk rage takes over, the only appropriate response is to make silent vows to yourself, all with the aim of devising an escape route from an endless future of office-based drudgery:
"One day I'm going to do something useful with my life."
"I will save enough money to go and dig a well."
"I will finish my novel, becoming a well-known author so I can spend my time doing what I love."
It's times like this that I feel I need a drink. A colleague of mine is leaving her job to go to the USA and was having something of a leaving party, it would've provided an ideal opportunity to just trash this little experiment in my own head.
However, I came home, did some chores and tried to shrug off the heat of the day. Mrs K, legend that she is, discovered some alcohol-free Becks in the supermarket and I'm pleased to say they were OK. Not as tasty as the real thing but very nice all the same.
I'm beginning to notice some changes which I think are based around my sense of making a positive decision to give up drinking for a while, rather than the act of abstinence itself.
For example, I'm finding the practise of writing about this little challenge motivating in itself. While I know this blog is pretty much certain to be boring to anyone else who may happen to read it, I've found that my motivation to keep it up to date isn't something I'm trying to force. It's just happening and I think it is because of that positivity.
I'm fairly confident that this is going to continue and the sound of my fingers tapping on the keyboard is becoming satisfying again and I can't describe how good that feels. Even if I notice no other differences, it's this feeling that I want to hold on to the most.
It's been another scorcher. After another night of slightly disturbed sleep - and all of the sport I've been playing in the last few days - I woke up feeling pretty tender with quite a few aches and pains. All things considered I was pretty perky.
Work seemed to last forever today - not really much going on and I think the heat may have been driving people pretty crazy. I've had a bit too much sun in the last few days and so I was a little tetchy as well.
It's been the sort of day that has led me to identify a phenomenon I call desk rage.
Desk rage isn't how I think about those moments when you are sat at work, conducting some seemingly meaningless and practically pointless task. The sun is shining, pretty much everyone wants to be somewhere else. You look at the clock, realise there is still over an hour left in the working day.
Desk rage is reserved for those especial moments when your thought process just naturally leads to the notion that there is a solid possibility that the next forty years of your working life could be spent passing the time in a likewise fashion.
When desk rage takes over, the only appropriate response is to make silent vows to yourself, all with the aim of devising an escape route from an endless future of office-based drudgery:
"One day I'm going to do something useful with my life."
"I will save enough money to go and dig a well."
"I will finish my novel, becoming a well-known author so I can spend my time doing what I love."
It's times like this that I feel I need a drink. A colleague of mine is leaving her job to go to the USA and was having something of a leaving party, it would've provided an ideal opportunity to just trash this little experiment in my own head.
However, I came home, did some chores and tried to shrug off the heat of the day. Mrs K, legend that she is, discovered some alcohol-free Becks in the supermarket and I'm pleased to say they were OK. Not as tasty as the real thing but very nice all the same.
I'm beginning to notice some changes which I think are based around my sense of making a positive decision to give up drinking for a while, rather than the act of abstinence itself.
For example, I'm finding the practise of writing about this little challenge motivating in itself. While I know this blog is pretty much certain to be boring to anyone else who may happen to read it, I've found that my motivation to keep it up to date isn't something I'm trying to force. It's just happening and I think it is because of that positivity.
I'm fairly confident that this is going to continue and the sound of my fingers tapping on the keyboard is becoming satisfying again and I can't describe how good that feels. Even if I notice no other differences, it's this feeling that I want to hold on to the most.
Tuesday, 29 July 2008
Day two of sobriety
It turned out to be quite a good decision to leave my football buddies in the pub yesterday. I enjoy their company, don't get me wrong, but if I'd stayed out it would've been beyond midnight (and several pints) before I got home if their tales today are anything to go by.
It's been another easy day today, which I expected. I had a game of tennis this afternoon and this regular exercise feels like it agrees with me. I feel more alert, sharper and altogether more awake.
A by-product of this is that I didn't sleep particularly well last night. It was very muggy all night - it's occured to me that if I've had some wine or a few beers with friends I don't really have any problem sleeping. It was almost as if I wasn't tired enough to sleep.
Again, it was a sunny day and I had to resist the attractive notion of visiting the pub after work. In its way, this may be the toughest part of all to steer clear of as I enjoy my pint by the street and the wind-down after work - it provides a natural buffer zone between work life and home life, as well as being a fun way to pass the time with cool people.
Mrs K had some wine with dinner tonight. I thought this would be tempting as wine with dinner is such a pleasurable, social, natural thing. It was fine and I haven't even been tempted. This surprised me.
A friend of mine today has sent me a couple of playful messages asking if I'm drinking yet - it's funny to think that something like this actually generates interest among my friends! Perhaps it's a further sign of how important alcohol seems within our culture that when someone stops indulging it is something of an event - without meaning in any way to make this into something it's not.
It's funny but someone told me that if you give up alcohol in one go it can be quite bad for your health. It doesn't seem that way to me. I don't particularly feel any better than I may otherwise have felt (although the exercise is great), but certainly not any worse.
There was also a funny story today about the pen-tailed tree shrew, a creature native to Malaysia. This shrew apparently waits until nightfall before guzzling alcoholic nectar from a plant called the bertram palm. They drink and drink and drink but do not appear to ever get drunk. Reminds me of a girl I once knew - but that's a story from many, many years ago!
It's been another easy day today, which I expected. I had a game of tennis this afternoon and this regular exercise feels like it agrees with me. I feel more alert, sharper and altogether more awake.
A by-product of this is that I didn't sleep particularly well last night. It was very muggy all night - it's occured to me that if I've had some wine or a few beers with friends I don't really have any problem sleeping. It was almost as if I wasn't tired enough to sleep.
Again, it was a sunny day and I had to resist the attractive notion of visiting the pub after work. In its way, this may be the toughest part of all to steer clear of as I enjoy my pint by the street and the wind-down after work - it provides a natural buffer zone between work life and home life, as well as being a fun way to pass the time with cool people.
Mrs K had some wine with dinner tonight. I thought this would be tempting as wine with dinner is such a pleasurable, social, natural thing. It was fine and I haven't even been tempted. This surprised me.
A friend of mine today has sent me a couple of playful messages asking if I'm drinking yet - it's funny to think that something like this actually generates interest among my friends! Perhaps it's a further sign of how important alcohol seems within our culture that when someone stops indulging it is something of an event - without meaning in any way to make this into something it's not.
It's funny but someone told me that if you give up alcohol in one go it can be quite bad for your health. It doesn't seem that way to me. I don't particularly feel any better than I may otherwise have felt (although the exercise is great), but certainly not any worse.
There was also a funny story today about the pen-tailed tree shrew, a creature native to Malaysia. This shrew apparently waits until nightfall before guzzling alcoholic nectar from a plant called the bertram palm. They drink and drink and drink but do not appear to ever get drunk. Reminds me of a girl I once knew - but that's a story from many, many years ago!
Monday, 28 July 2008
Day one of sobriety - a summary
It's the first day of sobriety today and already the process has been strange. Not so much the abstinence, but people's reactions to my plan.
I mentioned it at work today and people laughed in my face. A fairly senior colleague even turned around in her chair with a puzzled half smile on her face and asked if she'd really heard me declare that I was giving up drinking.
Some people suggested I wouldn't last the day. Some thought I'd last a couple at the outside.
Others criticised the timing, suggesting it would be better to wait a week and a half and get some of these social events out of the way first. One person who made such comments actually acknowledged that this wouldn't work as there is always something happening and that, perhaps, encouraging me to drink made others feel better about their drinking.
There was even the idea floated around the office to perhaps have a sweepstake or run a book on how long I would last. It was all very strange.
For the most part though, it's been a slice of pie. I played football this evening in the scorching heat of Hyde Park for about an hour and a half. Afterwards, a few of us (usually the same few!) head to a lovely little pub for a few beers. More people than usual came along and it was very tempting when we arrived to enjoy a delicious pint of San Miguel.
However, I did stick to lemonade - a decision that was initially met with derision (and maybe a little suspicion?). This turned to curiosity and not a little pity.
This served to stiffen my resolve. However, there is only so much lemonade a man can drink - for me, it turned out to be half a pint - and so I switched to orange juice.
I called it a night after two drinks, leaving my friends in the pub to have one more. It was actually easier than I thought - it was more a case of changing a habit.
I don't expect every day to be so straightforward - it's only been one day, after all - and wonder how I'll cope when temptation next comes a-calling.
One noticable thing - despite my exercise and a hearty and delicious meal of tomato pasta (lovingly prepared by the expert hands of Mrs K) - I don't really feel sleepy. Perhaps it's because it's so hot still.
I'm curious as to how this thing is going to turn out. I know I can bail at any time but right now, I see this thirty days of sobriety as a mental challenge and one which I fully hope I can overcome.
I mentioned it at work today and people laughed in my face. A fairly senior colleague even turned around in her chair with a puzzled half smile on her face and asked if she'd really heard me declare that I was giving up drinking.
Some people suggested I wouldn't last the day. Some thought I'd last a couple at the outside.
Others criticised the timing, suggesting it would be better to wait a week and a half and get some of these social events out of the way first. One person who made such comments actually acknowledged that this wouldn't work as there is always something happening and that, perhaps, encouraging me to drink made others feel better about their drinking.
There was even the idea floated around the office to perhaps have a sweepstake or run a book on how long I would last. It was all very strange.
For the most part though, it's been a slice of pie. I played football this evening in the scorching heat of Hyde Park for about an hour and a half. Afterwards, a few of us (usually the same few!) head to a lovely little pub for a few beers. More people than usual came along and it was very tempting when we arrived to enjoy a delicious pint of San Miguel.
However, I did stick to lemonade - a decision that was initially met with derision (and maybe a little suspicion?). This turned to curiosity and not a little pity.
This served to stiffen my resolve. However, there is only so much lemonade a man can drink - for me, it turned out to be half a pint - and so I switched to orange juice.
I called it a night after two drinks, leaving my friends in the pub to have one more. It was actually easier than I thought - it was more a case of changing a habit.
I don't expect every day to be so straightforward - it's only been one day, after all - and wonder how I'll cope when temptation next comes a-calling.
One noticable thing - despite my exercise and a hearty and delicious meal of tomato pasta (lovingly prepared by the expert hands of Mrs K) - I don't really feel sleepy. Perhaps it's because it's so hot still.
I'm curious as to how this thing is going to turn out. I know I can bail at any time but right now, I see this thirty days of sobriety as a mental challenge and one which I fully hope I can overcome.
A slice of sobriety - the beginning
You know how it goes - you have a long day in the office and it's sunny outside.
Someone, maybe you, suggests you go for a quick drink after work. Great idea! You go for a nice pint of beer and you like it. So you have another one. Then perhaps a glass of wine or two with dinner and maybe a little drink later on when you are reading a book, having interesting conversations, watching TV...
Perhaps you go to play football and decide you could do with some liquid refreshment. The next thing you know, four pints have seemingly disappeared before your very eyes.
Then there's the weekend drinking with your lover, your friends, your family. And so it goes, on and on. Us Brits have a very strange relationship with alcohol - one that, like many of our relationships in this country of ours, is fraught with tension. A love / hate relationship.
Much of what we do socially - particularly in big cities like London - revolve around drinking. Your friends tend to live all over the city, meaning it's pretty difficult to casually pop around your buddy's house for a cup of tea and a cigarette.
Most of our social experiences involve alcohol on some level or other.
I'm tired of it. I woke up this morning, after sharing a few bottles of wine with Mrs K (well, sharing is perhaps not the best word - she drinks white wine, I drink red. You may just say we drank together) and just thought to myself: "you know what? I'm sick of this."
I decided there and then, before I had even got out of bed, that I'd give it a break. I'm not an alcoholic, don't drink to excess every day. I do drink most days though and it seems to be a part of the rhythm of London life. Most of my friends and most of my colleagues admit to drinking most days (some of them all days).
It's a drain on my health, my finances and my motivation. My two novels have stalled, my blog has been neglected lately, I've put on a few kilos.
So then - here's the deal. I've decided not to drink for the next thirty days. It could be tricky as there are a few social occassions coming up - one of them a joint leaving celebration for me and one of my colleagues - I've been promoted internally, she is moving on to pastures new. There's the office tennis tournament, the summer "drink the pub dry for charity" night at one of our locals, my Monday night games of football, the start of the football season...
It's going to be a challenge. It's going to be tough. But I really want to give it a go. Will it make social situations difficult? Will I see less of some of my friends? Yes to both, probably. But there must be more than enough excitement in this city of ours to fill the spaces vacated by alcohol.
I'm recording the experience on this little blog for a few reasons.
Firstly, it will give me an additional reason for seeing the process through. If I'm writing about it, I'll need to do it genuinely.
Secondly, I want to have an accurate record of the effects this has on me and my life. I want to be able to trace when I notice that I'm feeling healthier. I want to see how my fitness and sleeping improve. I want to be able to follow the flattening of my stomach! I want to see what the money I've saved has bought. I want to have a record of how this alters my interpersonal relationships.
Thirdly, I want to see if the experience gives me a new motivation to work hard at my writing, the thing I love more than anything in my life (except the people in it).
Perhaps you'll read this and want to leave comments. I welcome these comments, of all types.
Perhaps it might inspire you to have a go yourself or you'll just think I'm a boring loser. Either way is cool with me - I'm doing this for myself, after all.
Someone, maybe you, suggests you go for a quick drink after work. Great idea! You go for a nice pint of beer and you like it. So you have another one. Then perhaps a glass of wine or two with dinner and maybe a little drink later on when you are reading a book, having interesting conversations, watching TV...
Perhaps you go to play football and decide you could do with some liquid refreshment. The next thing you know, four pints have seemingly disappeared before your very eyes.
Then there's the weekend drinking with your lover, your friends, your family. And so it goes, on and on. Us Brits have a very strange relationship with alcohol - one that, like many of our relationships in this country of ours, is fraught with tension. A love / hate relationship.
Much of what we do socially - particularly in big cities like London - revolve around drinking. Your friends tend to live all over the city, meaning it's pretty difficult to casually pop around your buddy's house for a cup of tea and a cigarette.
Most of our social experiences involve alcohol on some level or other.
I'm tired of it. I woke up this morning, after sharing a few bottles of wine with Mrs K (well, sharing is perhaps not the best word - she drinks white wine, I drink red. You may just say we drank together) and just thought to myself: "you know what? I'm sick of this."
I decided there and then, before I had even got out of bed, that I'd give it a break. I'm not an alcoholic, don't drink to excess every day. I do drink most days though and it seems to be a part of the rhythm of London life. Most of my friends and most of my colleagues admit to drinking most days (some of them all days).
It's a drain on my health, my finances and my motivation. My two novels have stalled, my blog has been neglected lately, I've put on a few kilos.
So then - here's the deal. I've decided not to drink for the next thirty days. It could be tricky as there are a few social occassions coming up - one of them a joint leaving celebration for me and one of my colleagues - I've been promoted internally, she is moving on to pastures new. There's the office tennis tournament, the summer "drink the pub dry for charity" night at one of our locals, my Monday night games of football, the start of the football season...
It's going to be a challenge. It's going to be tough. But I really want to give it a go. Will it make social situations difficult? Will I see less of some of my friends? Yes to both, probably. But there must be more than enough excitement in this city of ours to fill the spaces vacated by alcohol.
I'm recording the experience on this little blog for a few reasons.
Firstly, it will give me an additional reason for seeing the process through. If I'm writing about it, I'll need to do it genuinely.
Secondly, I want to have an accurate record of the effects this has on me and my life. I want to be able to trace when I notice that I'm feeling healthier. I want to see how my fitness and sleeping improve. I want to be able to follow the flattening of my stomach! I want to see what the money I've saved has bought. I want to have a record of how this alters my interpersonal relationships.
Thirdly, I want to see if the experience gives me a new motivation to work hard at my writing, the thing I love more than anything in my life (except the people in it).
Perhaps you'll read this and want to leave comments. I welcome these comments, of all types.
Perhaps it might inspire you to have a go yourself or you'll just think I'm a boring loser. Either way is cool with me - I'm doing this for myself, after all.
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